9/11/2003

giving up

   Tuesday was kinda a hard day for me. Lately I have had opportunities come my way that have not come to fruition. And that gets frustrating and stressful at time. With decisions about selling my car, and new jobs, and new ministries happening I have gotten my hopes up, and then some really crashed and burned. So on tuesday I told God, "I give up." I give up on stressing about a new job, I give up about stressing about a new car (and selling my old one), and I give up about stressing about my ministry future. If you know me you know this is a big deal, not because I stress alot, but rather because once an idea gets planted in my brain I become very motivated to bring it to pass. I wanted to learn to play guitar one day. The next week I bought a guitar, two weeks later I was leading worship. I find the girl I want to marry, three months later we are engaged, three months after that we were married. Ya know what I mean.    So fast forward to yesterday. I decide to go home for lunch, which I haven't done in like 6 months. I get half way home and some guy is leaning out his car window scream at me, "I want to talk to you about your car." To make a long story short he test drove the car, made a counter offer, I accepted, later that evening he gave me the cash, I gave him my car, and then I wept. Not because God did some cool thing, but because I was sad to see my car go. It was a fun car.    Back to the God thing: I was very thankful for His love in my life displayed in "that goose bump" way. But I am more thankful for God's love displayed in carefully timed growth moments. I almost didn't want to share this trivia story with you, about how "God sold my car." But I think it has much deeper implications then that. When it comes to time God is on a whole different system. And what I have known, but now am coming to understand that He is more concerned with keeping me then giving me what I think I need. Now I know this is a huge...duh. But what I am saying is that we have an intimate God. His name Imanuel...God with us, even one of us. He is a very caring God that takes all our concerns, no matter how trivial to eternity (i.e. my car), and uses that as an opportunity to care for us, to teach us, to show us that He is deeply concerned with us. I fall more in love with Him the more I see, and don't see His hand of care and love in my life.