7/31/2003

i have a dream

   Last night I had a pretty crazy dream that I want to share with everyone. I often have dreams, most I forget 2 minutes after I wake up. But this one has been in my minds eye all day long. So in my dream its a sunny day and I am walking on a pathway on the second story of some kind of building, like a school or something, and I want to go down stairs. I know that there are a few ways, but I decide to try to take a certain staircase down. In my mind I know that many people have tried to go down these stairs, but were unable to for some reason. While I start to walk down the stair I noticed two things. One there are two people on the lower lever to my right about 35 yards away watching me with interest. Two the staircase that I am walking on is lined with a sort of canvas/uncutable/nylon woven like material dark red in color. When I get half way down the hand rails cross over in front of me and the stairs turn into a cave like hole starting at my waist. I either hear a voice, or get an impression,"how does it feel to have no beauty in your life?" So I explore my two options to get down. One I can try to climb on top of the "cave" and slide down until I reach the bottom, but I notice that there are nails that could cut me and I could slip over the side. Two I can get on my hands and knees and crawl into the cave and try to get to the bottom of the stair. For some reason I go into the cave like thing. So I start crawling and I notice that its really warm, I can feel the sun beating down on the material. I crawl and crawl and crawl. Finally I think I am at the end, at the bottom of the stairs/cave and I see that the material is closed up...like the bottom of the sleeping bag. So I turn around, and start to get fearful...I think to myself...I am afraid of small places, why did I do this to myself. And I start to crawl back up the stairs/cave. I feel like I am crawling forever and ever and ever. And I get more and more afraid, and I feel like I might just suffocate in the cave. When finally I reach the opening and I burst through it in almost a birth or rebirth like fashion. And then I wake up. I told you it was crazy. Expecially because of what I am going through with trying to re"define"-re"think" my faith.